My First Year Back at Work After Baby: A Reality Check

Listen to the full podcast episode here.

Hello! I'm writing to you from my snowy living room in Calgary, reflecting on my journey over the past four years. While my path might look like a simple shift from biomedical engineer to mom to entrepreneur, it’s been a period of immense internal transformation, with lots of unexpected bumps along the way.

I'm sharing my story in the hopes that it will resonate with other moms, especially those who are navigating the often-isolating experience of working motherhood. I also hope to inspire anyone who feels stuck or unfulfilled to embrace change and create a life that feels aligned with their true selves.

This first post focuses on my return to work after my first son was born in 2020. I'll be honest - it was much harder than I anticipated.

The Illusion of Balance

Before my son was born, I assumed returning to work would be relatively smooth. I had excellent childcare lined up, and in my mind, it was a simple equation: work for eight hours, daycare for eight hours. Easy, right?

Wrong. I quickly learned that the mental load of motherhood doesn't disappear when your child is at daycare. The never-ending tasks of meal planning, groceries, laundry, doctor’s appointments, and everything else required to keep our household running still fell on my shoulders.

Adding a full-time job on top of all of that was exhausting. 

A Pivotal Realization

There was a defining moment just two weeks into my return to work. Dropping my son off at daycare was an emotional struggle for both of us, and as I sat at my desk trying to focus, a wave of clarity hit me: If I was going to spend so much time away from my son, my work had to be incredibly meaningful. It had to feel worth the sacrifice.

This realization marked a turning point. I began questioning my career path and searching for more purpose in my work. 

Survival Mode and a Lost Sense of Self

That first year back at work was a blur of stress and survival mode. Between the demands of my job and motherhood, I completely neglected self-care. Things I used to love, like yoga, were put on hold.

I also didn’t like how I was showing up for my family. I was stressed, distracted, and short-tempered, and I just didn’t have the patience I wanted to have for my son.

In an attempt to find more stability, I pursued a leadership position within my company. I was thrilled when they offered it to me, envisioning a more secure future for our family. We signed the agreement, and I started making plans. 

But then, just a month before I was supposed to step into my new role, a leadership change at the company resulted in my agreement being nullified. The position was gone.

It was a devastating blow, but it forced me to confront my definition of security and stability. I realized that true stability couldn't be found in external markers like job titles or contracts. It had to come from somewhere deeper. 

Looking Ahead

That first year back at work was the most challenging chapter of my motherhood journey so far. I was completely unprepared for how difficult it would be, both emotionally and logistically. 

Looking back, I can identify three core lessons from that tumultuous year:

• My work needs to be meaningful and fulfilling if I'm going to spend significant time away from my family. 

• Survival mode is not a sustainable way to live. It depletes me and robs me of the joy I want to experience with my family.

• True security and stability come from within, not from external achievements or possessions. 

These lessons fueled my determination to use my second maternity leave as a period of self-discovery. I wanted to reconnect with myself and create a life that felt more authentic and aligned with my values. 

Stay tuned for the next post, where I'll share how I spent that time and the steps I took to create a more fulfilling life!

With love,

Emily